Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Object of lust
Tall, blond, slender, long legs, blue eyes, tanned ... that's what a male stranger sees in me. Most of them think I'm Swedish, even more interesting I guess.
I know that I look like this but I also see small unattractive externalities like ugly toes or little black hair on parts of my body where I don't want them. But a male stranger only seems to see the attractive things of my body. I realise this only since I'm traveling. Every day at least one or two cars are honking at me, men are whisteling or waving. They don't seem to be bothered by Peter's presence. I guess it strikes me now because I'm in a different environment every day. When I lived in the same place most of the time I was surrounded by people who already knew me.
I really don't want to give a negative judgement about men but I feel like a piece of meat sometimes. How they look at my body, their attraction towards my body, how they try to flirt with me ... really unbelievable. I have to say that I never ever had a bad experience with men. They never tried to touch me or kiss me, they just look at me as an object of lust.
I guess I don't understand men or their needs at all but as a woman I don't like this attention. I would like to have a normal conversation with every man or even get friends with them. Some men say: 'You say that you don't like this attention but secretive you do like it.' I swear that this is not true. I get tired of all the attention. I don't like it.
A few weeks ago we met Cat, a very attractive American girl who was traveling in Europe for 9 months. She was couchsurfing most of the time and she had equal experiences. For us girls this male attention comes very often out of the blue. A few times Cat had to tell a man that couchsurfing is not a dating site and that she was not interested in a one night stand. No problem for them after she told them but why did she have to tell them at all? She also got really tired of all this attention.
On the other hand I spoke to some girls who never had these experiences. Probably girls with certain characteristics, like Swedish or Italian looking, have these problems. They have certain features that seem to be popular or beautiful in our Western society. I guess those girls get too much attention while 'normal' looking girls could get a bit more attention.
Some women are dressed distinct or use a lot of make up, they go for it, that's obvious. But I go into a pub in Dublin with my shabby trouwsers, Teva sandals and a simple black T-shirt. It didn't matter that all the other girls were walking around with extremely short skirts and high heels, still one man approached me. His third sentence was: 'Do you have a boyfriend?' I pointed at Peter but he kept trying to flirt with me for another ten minutes.
Finally I want to give you an extraordinary example of male attention I got. Emotionally it was a very intense experience because it was in a setting I didn't expect it at all.
A few days ago Peter and I finished a ten day Vipassana meditation retreat. Ten days of not talking verbally or with body language, no killing, no lying, no sexual activities, complete segregation between men and women. In short living like a nun or a monk for ten days. Everybody who subscribes for this course knows the rules and comes there to be busy with his own thoughts and to discover new things about his own personality.
Anyway, I was volunteering this time and my job was to assist the teacher wich means that I had to sit in front of the meditationhall next to the teacher. All the students had to face the teacher which means that everybody could 'see' me too. (They had their eyes closed for ten hours every day.) On the fourth day I found a little note on my meditation cushion: 'Hi this is Daniel from row B3. (old student) I have to leave the course tomorrow because of an emergency but I really would like to get to know you. Enjoy your 10 days of Vipassana and I hope you will contact me after the course. With love, Daniel. emailadres, phone number' He also made a drawing of himself.
After I read this note I was really upset. Daniel only saw me from a distance, we never talked to each other and I never even looked at him. I didn't even notice him. I was in this centre to be a nun for ten days and didn't expect any attenion from somebody else at all. It took me a few hours before I could laugh about this incident.
Feel free to comment on this post. Male and female views on this topic are really interesting.
Petra
I know that I look like this but I also see small unattractive externalities like ugly toes or little black hair on parts of my body where I don't want them. But a male stranger only seems to see the attractive things of my body. I realise this only since I'm traveling. Every day at least one or two cars are honking at me, men are whisteling or waving. They don't seem to be bothered by Peter's presence. I guess it strikes me now because I'm in a different environment every day. When I lived in the same place most of the time I was surrounded by people who already knew me.
I really don't want to give a negative judgement about men but I feel like a piece of meat sometimes. How they look at my body, their attraction towards my body, how they try to flirt with me ... really unbelievable. I have to say that I never ever had a bad experience with men. They never tried to touch me or kiss me, they just look at me as an object of lust.
I guess I don't understand men or their needs at all but as a woman I don't like this attention. I would like to have a normal conversation with every man or even get friends with them. Some men say: 'You say that you don't like this attention but secretive you do like it.' I swear that this is not true. I get tired of all the attention. I don't like it.
A few weeks ago we met Cat, a very attractive American girl who was traveling in Europe for 9 months. She was couchsurfing most of the time and she had equal experiences. For us girls this male attention comes very often out of the blue. A few times Cat had to tell a man that couchsurfing is not a dating site and that she was not interested in a one night stand. No problem for them after she told them but why did she have to tell them at all? She also got really tired of all this attention.
On the other hand I spoke to some girls who never had these experiences. Probably girls with certain characteristics, like Swedish or Italian looking, have these problems. They have certain features that seem to be popular or beautiful in our Western society. I guess those girls get too much attention while 'normal' looking girls could get a bit more attention.
Some women are dressed distinct or use a lot of make up, they go for it, that's obvious. But I go into a pub in Dublin with my shabby trouwsers, Teva sandals and a simple black T-shirt. It didn't matter that all the other girls were walking around with extremely short skirts and high heels, still one man approached me. His third sentence was: 'Do you have a boyfriend?' I pointed at Peter but he kept trying to flirt with me for another ten minutes.
Finally I want to give you an extraordinary example of male attention I got. Emotionally it was a very intense experience because it was in a setting I didn't expect it at all.
A few days ago Peter and I finished a ten day Vipassana meditation retreat. Ten days of not talking verbally or with body language, no killing, no lying, no sexual activities, complete segregation between men and women. In short living like a nun or a monk for ten days. Everybody who subscribes for this course knows the rules and comes there to be busy with his own thoughts and to discover new things about his own personality.
Anyway, I was volunteering this time and my job was to assist the teacher wich means that I had to sit in front of the meditationhall next to the teacher. All the students had to face the teacher which means that everybody could 'see' me too. (They had their eyes closed for ten hours every day.) On the fourth day I found a little note on my meditation cushion: 'Hi this is Daniel from row B3. (old student) I have to leave the course tomorrow because of an emergency but I really would like to get to know you. Enjoy your 10 days of Vipassana and I hope you will contact me after the course. With love, Daniel. emailadres, phone number' He also made a drawing of himself.
After I read this note I was really upset. Daniel only saw me from a distance, we never talked to each other and I never even looked at him. I didn't even notice him. I was in this centre to be a nun for ten days and didn't expect any attenion from somebody else at all. It took me a few hours before I could laugh about this incident.
Feel free to comment on this post. Male and female views on this topic are really interesting.
Petra
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